Divine Ceremony

Who’s who?

Dee Ryding is the founder and owner of Divine Ceremony. Inspiring, intelligent and immensely likeable, Dee has been working in and around funerals in Bristol for more than fifteen years, and has been named a Bristol Changemaker for her work in this sector.

Like so many progressive funeral directors, Dee came to this work through personal loss, and the realisation that funerals could be so much more than the formulaic, impersonal experiences available. It was an incremental, step by step journey, which began when a neighbour who died had requested that Dee’s husband lead his funeral ceremony. Dee wrote the ceremony, and it ignited something within her. Then her grandmother died, and her grandfather died on the morning of the funeral, so there were two funerals very close together. Neither were comforting, nor honouring of the people her grandparents had been, and Dee felt strongly that she could have done better.

At the time, Dee was pregnant, but sadly, her baby son died. She reflects “It was a very difficult time. We didn’t have a faith – so we were rudderless. My daughter was very upset at losing her brother, so I wrote a ceremony for my son. We planted a tree in the garden and put a toy under the tree, we read poetry. It was just for the three of us. I started to realise the importance of ritual. It can make the difference between moving forward and staying locked within the grieving process.”

Deciding to change career from her previous work as a television documentary producer, Dee trained as a celebrant with the British Humanist Association and began working in Bristol and the surrounding areas. Her second daughter spent the first few months of her life being walked around cemeteries and crematoria by Dee and her mum while Dee juggled motherhood and celebrancy. She immersed herself in trying to change public awareness about the possibilities when it comes to funerals, becoming involved with the Home Funeral Network, setting up Bristol’s first Death Café, and a Death Workshop at Arnos Vale Cemetery, and her reputation grew – in 2014, Dee was voted National Celebrant of the Year.

As her work in the sector developed, Dee realised that the families she was working with would have made very different choices had they been given informed options. By the time Dee met clients to begin crafting a ceremony with them,  they had already been set on paths that led to funerals that worked more for the funeral directors than for their own particular needs. The only way around this was for someone to offer a different approach.

Divine Ceremony began in 2015, with Dee initially describing herself as a Family Funeral Advocate, offering families practical and creative support. It took a little while and training before she felt comfortable describing herself as an undertaker or funeral director. And it took a few years before Divine Ceremony found a permanent home, the beautiful Sanctuary, auspiciously on a corner of five roads in the heart of Bristol.

Working alongside Dee when we met as part of the accreditation process were Bridget and Ruth, who both support families to arrange and carry out funerals, while Isabel and Lisa work as mortuary technicians caring for the people who have died. It is a small, flexible team of five people – you can read a little about them all here.

An all-female team wasn’t a deliberate decision, Dee simply appointed the right people to the roles that were needed, but having established the team now, it feels completely natural and right that the sacred work of caring for people who have died is carried out by women. It always used to be this way. For as long as history records, it was women who assisted with births and who laid out bodies after death, the pivotal and profound transitions of life. The funeral industry that we know today has left these traditional ways far behind, and is mostly run by men. The difference between a funeral company run by men and one that is entirely female led and staffed is tangible. “People visibly relax’, said Bridget, when we talked about the reaction of clients to realising that it is women who will be caring for their person – and for them. “You actually see their shoulders drop and a softening of the tension in people’s bodies”.

Beyond the main team, Dee can call on freelance support staff if needed to help with bearing duties or collections, so if a client preferred to have men offering care this could be arranged, however, as yet all Divine Ceremony’s clients have been happy to know that their people will be looked after by women.

The Sanctuary

Divine Ceremony’s home is a former bank, situated in the heart of a thriving part of Bristol full of independent shops and businesses. It had stood empty for years before Dee was finally able to convince the owners to lease it to her. She set to work overseeing the conversion and making the austere bank into what is effectively “an extension of my home”, as she says.

It has been beautifully converted, with the banking hall now turned into an arrangement / ceremony space, while the former bank vault has been turned into the mortuary. As well as being very practical, there’s something metaphorically perfect in the safekeeping of the most precious of valuables, loved ones who have died, in the former safest place in the building.

The arrangement / ceremony space is absolutely lovely. Contemporarily decorated, it can be arranged however clients want it to be for their use, with ample space for 35 – 40 people to gather. All the furniture, plants and artwork can be moved around as required, with clients encouraged to make the space their own while they are using it for vigils, decorating a coffin, holding a funeral ceremony, or caring for their person. Catering can be provided if required, and ceremonies can be live-streamed or recorded.

A small, intimate room alongside the main space is available where families can spend time with their person, moving in and out of the main space as they feel inclined, or the coffin or shroud can be placed in the larger room, situated wherever the client wants.  There’s a stunning ceiling light feature which the team call  ‘heaven’, and clients often choose to have the coffin placed below it,  but the setup in each case is entirely the client’s choice.

When we were shown around the Sanctuary, three sofas were arranged around a coffee table, which is the usual layout for discussing funeral arrangements. A bookshelf with the Divine Ceremony library was against the wall, and abundant plants and beautiful artwork (that has all been donated to the company) made it feel instantly attractive and welcoming. The scent of Neal’s Yard ‘Focus’ essential oil blend of rosemary, spearmint and orange wafted throughout the building – it smells beautiful and looks beautiful.

It is not only used as a space for attending to the dead though, other events are held here, including the monthly North Bristol Death Café which is held at the Sanctuary on the second Thursday of every month. Dee has also hosted performances and talks, and other community focused events here, enriching the energy of this space with life and creativity. Dee describes the Sanctuary as “a place for reflection, learning,  understanding and celebrations, as well as a haven where we, families and friends look after the people entrusted to our care”.

Despite the busy roads outside, there is a quietness and peace in this haven. It is well named.

Specific Gravity

Best described by Dee herself – “We consider our role to be one of facilitator and enabler for our clients’ requirements. We are here to help people navigate the options available, placing the person who has died at the centre of this conversation.”

The entire ethos of Divine Ceremony’s work is about relationships. Relationships with clients, with the people who have died, relationships between the staff and other team members, with other professionals and with the wider community.

This is the foundation upon which everything they do is built on, and from which their attitude flows. They have an open-door policy, and everything they do is completely transparent and ethical. They are also very conscious of the environmental impact of a funeral and try to do their best to minimise it where possible.

When first starting to discuss a funeral, clients will often be asked what they ‘would most like to achieve from the chat today?’, putting them clearly in control and in charge of the relationship with the people they are employing to help make funeral arrangements for their person. This is the way it should be, but so often isn’t. It’s a subtle, but fundamental shift in the dynamics between client and undertaker which empowers bereaved people to be creative and confident as they work together to create the perfect, personal goodbye for their person.

What’s Important?

Along with the importance of creating relationships, the fundamental principle is one of care. The team all individually and collectively care both practically and physically for the people who have died; all of them are on the rota to go to collect people from the place of death, often to the surprise of nursing home staff who are expecting men in black suits to arrive and don’t know how to react to two women turning up.

They all care about the experience of bereaved people every step of the way, and so much thought has gone into every tiny aspect of the interactions that clients will have during their time working with Divine Ceremony.

They also really, really care about each other. This is deeply impactful and important work that they are all committed to, and they are all intelligent enough to know about the importance of self-care and ensuring that each other is ok. There are lots of conversations, lots of debriefs, and a constant awareness of boundaries, the pressures of workload and the possibility of burnout. All this is in a natural, subtle, intuitive way, but it is also embedded in the ethos of the company and the way that Dee is as a person and a leader.

What’s Different?

There is no other funeral business within miles that comes anywhere close to being similar to Divine Ceremony. It is unlike any other funeral company in the area, in look, feel, approach or attitude.

The best illustration of this is to look at their beautiful website, and see how they describe themselves. The language and terminology they use reflects them exactly. Before you do so though, just think for a moment what you imagine a funeral director website would look like. Then click on the link to Divine Ceremony’s website and you will realise just how different this company is.

Services

• Prices: Clearly displayed, fair, honest and easy to understand. Incredible value for the quality of service you receive. See here.
• Your first call: will usually be answered by Dee, Ruth or Bridget, but if they are all busy, you may speak to Isabel or Lisa.
• Home visits: Of course, you can have a home visit to make the funeral arrangements if you’d prefer this. Most clients choose to come to the Sanctuary.
• Family participation: Actively encouraged throughout.
• Same sex person to wash and dress: If you specifically prefer men to be involved with the care of your person Dee will arrange this, however usually your person would be looked after by the Divine Ceremony team, which is currently all women.
• Embalming: Not carried out routinely. If it is required, for example, for a repatriation, this can be arranged, but it will take place offsite.
• Home arranged funerals: Dee was part of the Home Funeral Network when it was set up in 2014 so this aspect is dear to her heart – helping people to understand their rights and options to care for their person at home if they choose to.
• Local celebrants: Ceremony is at the heart of what Divine Ceremony is all about. The importance of ritual and structure to help move people through the processing of grief and loss is fundamental, and Dee and her team have innate knowledge and awareness of this. They work with a selection of celebrants who they have complete faith in; once they have an understanding of a client’s requirements by listening to them and learning about the person who has died, they will be able to suggest some celebrants who they feel would be right for you. Then you choose the person who most resonates.
• Website: One of the best funeral director websites we have seen.
• Client support: Exemplary support, no matter how little or how much support you need.
• Environmental matters: Really important to Dee and the Divine Ceremony team. They have never sold MDF coffins, they have an electric fleet, they have conducted a carbon report and they encourage clients to make greener choices wherever possible. They all also attend – and are part of – various community nature partnerships to help keep death and funerals on the climate change agenda, to help network with like-minded individuals and to build strong partnerships.

Remarks

Divine Ceremony is exactly the kind of progressive funeral company that every community should have at its heart. Beautifully conceived and designed, ethically run, full of integrity and run by genuinely caring people who love their work  and who are fulfilled by the immense importance of what they do.

The Divine Ceremony team are intelligent, insightful, passionate, and caring people (women!) who will listen to you, learn what you need from them and understand what they can support you to do. They will guide you if you need ideas or suggestions,  inform and advise you if you need facts, and enable and facilitate you to achieve more than you could imagine possible from a funeral.

Everything about this company reflects the values that the Good Funeral Guide stands for, and we are very proud to have Divine Ceremony as one of our Recommended funeral directors.